He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
