and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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