Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
