Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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