i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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