Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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