i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
