By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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