Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
