Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
