So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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