i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
