Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
