I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
