Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
