You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The beer is more important than you right now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
