so explain again why im purple
no
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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