whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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