if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
