Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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