Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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