The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
