careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
