you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
