At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
