you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize