I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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