Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
