Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
