I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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