This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize