I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
