He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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