I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
