He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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