I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
