Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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