what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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