You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
