I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
