you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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