this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
