hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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