U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
