did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
