From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ladies don't puke and tell
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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