Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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