Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
