insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
