I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
