I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
