You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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