yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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