dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
