I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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