The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
