And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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