I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
