I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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