yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
