This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
