You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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