How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
