note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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