I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
