my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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