Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
