I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
