So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
