I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize