i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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