Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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