OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
