Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
