I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
